PASIV ATTACKED!
At around 5AM on Tuesday, December 6th, Jay Marks', owner and caretaker of Indiana's "Safe Haven Farm", woke up to something he never thought he'd hear: cows mooing.
"I didn't quite know what it was at first... it ain't the kind of sound you hear 'round here often. But once I knew what is was... and what they were doin'... I was more awake than I've ever been before."
Safe Haven Farm, a PASIVly owned property, is a place for plants to live and die in the wide open, as nature intended them to be.
"We really stress the humane treatment of all kinds of vegetation here. It's a plant sanctuary here surrounded by the misery of farmland."
This delicate sanctuary, a model of how we should be treating our plants, was defiled Tuesday when 4 cows were let loose on the property early in the morning.
It took 2 hours to successfully detain the cows, after which they were promptly processed and frozen. Casualities are estimated in the low teens; an extremely optimistic outcome considering the circumstances. Biologists have contributed this success due to the unusually strong root systems the plants have made in their free-range environment.
"I guess it all turned out alright," Jay reflects while wiping some grease from his mouth. "Just too bad 'bout the grass those bastards pulled up; only so much Miracle Grow can do for 'em."
11-20-06